


Within Reason

by Chloe_Hallow_Eve



Series: Black Paladin Lance [13]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 02 (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 12:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10741599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloe_Hallow_Eve/pseuds/Chloe_Hallow_Eve
Summary: Keith shows interest in training with the Blade of Mamora. Lance doesn't see anything wrong with it.Alternatively Titled: This Is Why Lance Makes Everyone Talk About Their FeelingsSet after Teamwork Not Included





	Within Reason

Lance had kind of expected the meeting with the Blade of Mamora members to turn into Debate Club. It seemed like the natural outcome, what with Allura still holding a grudge against the Galra. It was blatant intolerance, but you couldn’t get rid of something that deep-rooted in one night. She was at least willing to work with them and be polite, since she knew she was in the wrong, but when it came to making decisions, she would turn down anything the members of the Blade recommended. Although, Lance couldn't blame the princess, seeing as she was betrayed by someone she probably looked up to and had the rest of the species wipe out hers and take over the universe. Basically it was a mess Lance wasn't sure he wanted to touch yet. 

 

Lance sighed, rubbing his face. Sure, she was the princess and had complete control of the castle, but Lance was kind of her leader now. She wasn’t giving him a chance to present his own input on the plans, or point out the individual flaws that could be worked on. Lance had buckets of patience, in fact, the buckets was overflowing with patience right now. But Lance knew there was a fine line between being patient and allowing yourself to be pushed around.

 

Lance watched Allura carefully. It seemed he’d have to step in soon if he didn’t want to cross that line. Which was good, too, since Kolivan was giving a good suggestion.

 

“Our intel says there is a quintessence-powered nuclear reactor in the main ship. If we can get that, the enemy loses a source of power and we gain a powerful asset.” Kolivan said, keeping his expression carefully blank.

 

Allura frowned deeply. “It is too dangerous. It would be as if we are handing ourselves to them on a silver platter.”

 

“You went to them when you defeated Zarkon.” He pointed out.

 

“And we lost Shiro in the process. It’s too reckless. What if we lost another paladin?”

 

Lance stepped forward, holding a hand up to Allura. “Hold up, princess, I want to hear more about this.”

 

Allura looked bewildered. “But-”

 

“But nothing. I’ve heard your opinion, and those are all good things to consider. But if Zarkon’s forces have a nuclear reactor, and we have a chance to take that, it’ll mean we have the advantage.” Lance turned to Kolivan. “So, where in the ship is it? How reliable is your source?”

 

Kolivan’s ears twitched. “Only my best are placed in the main ship, their word is true. As for the placement, it is at the heart of the ship, carefully guarded. It would take a great deal of planning and resources to pull this off.”

 

Lance nodded slowly, considering. “Okay. How about we sit on this idea, then reconvene? I’d like for everyone,” Lance looked back at his team, looking them each in the eye, “to agree to this if we go through with it. Until then, we should think of smaller plans. Such as extractions, releasing planets, or sabotage.”

 

Kolivan nodded. “I assume we will meet again within the week?”

 

“How does three quintants sound?”

 

“That is reasonable.”

 

Keith stepped forward, addressing Kolivan. “In that time, would I be able to be trained by you?”

 

Lance blinked at Keith. He hadn’t said anything about wanting to be trained by the Blade before. While it was a good idea, Lance was a bit concerned on why he didn’t bring this up. Did he think they’d turn it down? Not accept the possibility? Well, the princess might have, but Lance would have been fully supportive of his decision.

 

Kolivan looked surprised as well. “If that is what you wish. Be warned, our training is much more intensive than that you have already undergone.”

 

Keith nodded, then looked at Lance. “Is it alright if I leave with them?”

 

Lance pulled on a mask of nonchalance and shrugged, giving him an easy smile. “Go ahead, my man. It’s probably a good idea to try out different styles of training, so you’re more prepared. I’d say we all need it, but I’m kind of scared non-Galrans won’t be able to handle it.”

 

Keith smiled back. “Thanks.”

 

Lance patted his back. “No problem. Don’t die on us!”

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Not planning on it.”

 

* * *

 

A few hours later found Lance checking the castle systems. He knew he didn’t have to do this every day, and that nothing would change unless the castle hit or was hit by something, but it gave him something to do. Time went by slowly when he was just sitting around. He had nothing but his thoughts to keep him company in those times, and he would run all possible scenarios through his head. They always took a turn for the negative.

 

Someone cleared their throat behind Lance. He turned, blinking down at a guilty-looking Pidge. With their head down, they looked up at him, then darted their eyes across the room. It was empty. Pidge had probably waited until he was alone. They shuffled awkwardly. Lance turned his body fully, giving Pidge all of his attention, and crossed his arms.

 

“Lance,” they started, licking their lips nervously, “can I talk to you?”

 

“Of course. What do you need?”

 

Pidge took a breath, seemingly about to talk, before letting it out and slumping. They fiddled with their zipper, stalling for time. Lance let them. If Pidge needed the time to think of what to say now, then they probably had been thinking about it a lot. And no matter how well thought out it went in their head, real life was something else entirely. Plus, they were never good at putting their feelings into words.

 

After a long pause, they huffed. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?” They snapped.

 

Lance felt his mouth threaten to twitch up. He couldn’t laugh at Pidge now, they were doing something brave and good. He needed to let them do it without laughing about it.

 

“I know I was an ass. I shouldn’t have said those things. You’re trying, and you’re doing a pretty good job of it. I mean, Black wouldn’t have chosen you if you couldn’t. I was, I was just sleep deprived, and frustrated, and I miss Shiro. A lot. And seeing you wearing his armour, acting like him, trying to fill his role- it just- it triggered something ugly in me. And I took that out on you, even though you didn’t deserve it. So, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

 

Lance watched Pidge as sweat sheened on their brow. They were still staring at the floor, pouting slightly. They looked smaller than usual, curled into themselves.

 

Lance let them sweat for another few moments before grinning and ruffling their hair, earning a squawk. “Thanks for apologising, Pidgeotto. You did good. And I forgive you.”

 

Pidge humphed, crossing their arms, but they started to smile. “You’re way too forgiving for your own good.” They paused, shuffling. “Hey, wanna train with me? I’ve been struggling with level five and need an outside opinion on what to do.”

 

Lance glanced back at the systems he had left to check, deciding those could be done later. He turned back to Pidge. “Sure. Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

Keith struggled to keep the soldier away from him, jumping back. He’d managed to hold his own fairly well up till now. Kolivan had run him through a practice test before deciding what level to put him at. Apparently he’d done well, since the first level he did was him against three Blade members. He was put into a Blade uniform, which was easier to move in, but offered less protection. Keith wasn’t sure he liked what that implied about the Blade.

 

He tried concentrating on the movement of his enemy, the limitations of his own body, his next move, but his mind kept wandering. _I can’t be in the way._ He tried to shake the thought, but it kept coming back, stronger every time. _I can’t be in the way. I can’t be in the way. I can’t be in the way._

 

When Kolivan called for a break, Keith slumped to the sidelines gratefully. He thanked one of the soldiers when they gave him a packet of water, gulping down large mouthfuls. When Kolivan came over, he tried to seems as presentable as he could be when covered in sweat.

 

“You’re doing well, Keith. The only note I have is to let up at times. Take a few steps back, examine your enemy when you can. See if there is any faults in their stance.”

 

Keith nodded, taking another sip. “I'm used to depending on my instincts.”

 

“And they are useful. Do not stop trusting them, just take some moments to analyze.”

 

Keith leaned back as the Blade leader walked away. He wondered how many things he had to set aside to make time for Keith’s training. Or did they have anything to do at all? Either way, Keith was grateful for the help. He was already starting to see a difference in his fighting. He trained with the Gladiator so much that he was starting to pick up on it’s fight patterns, which was kind of sad the more Keith thought about it.

 

The only one who had been any fun to fight with was Shiro.

 

Keith went back to training.

 

_He was the only one Shiro trained one on one with._

 

_He can’t be in the way._

 

_He can’t be in Lance’s way._

 

* * *

 

Lance walked the halls, peeking into rooms to make sure everyone was asleep. Allura always seemed exhausted after political meetings, so she was out cold. Pidge was nestled in her bed, for once, though her computer was open and on beside her. Lance had no idea where Coran slept, but he was pretty sure the older Altean got sleep no matter what.

 

Lance had been concerned when he peeked into Keith’s room and didn’t find the red paladin there, before remembering that he wasn’t on the ship at all. Lance frowned. He didn’t realize how much it would bug him that he couldn’t check on all of his teammates, but there he was, anxiety gnawing at his stomach because he didn't have visual confirmation that Keith was okay. Lance took a deep breath, continuing on his way. He couldn't be there for his friends all the time. This would probably happen every once in a while. And he had to be okay with it.

 

His anxiety spiked when he saw that Hunk wasn't in his room either. He turned and walked quickly to the kitchen, the clanging of bowls soothing it slightly. It was odd, Hunk being the one awake, since he was usually the one asleep before everyone else. He stepped into the room and watched the larger male work for a few minutes.

 

Hunk noticed him after a while, freezing while stirring. He slowly gave Lance a sheepish smile and a nervous chuckle. “H-Hey, Lance, what's up?”

 

Lance raised an eyebrow. “You should be in bed.”

 

Hunk shrugged. “Couldn't sleep.”

 

Lance took a moment to think. Hunk usually wasn't this guarded around him. Well, Lance hadn't been exactly that open as of late. With a sigh, Lance walked over, taking the dry mix and the spatula on the table and starting to mix it. Hunks eyebrows shot up.

 

“How about we sing a bit, bud?” Lance grinned at him. “It's been a while since we quoted musicals together.”

 

Hunk snorted, going back to stirring his wet mix. “If by a while you mean less than two weeks, then yeah, it's been a while. What did you have in mind?”

 

“Something from Dear Evan Hansen?”

 

“Let me guess. Sincerely, Me?”

 

“It's creepy sometimes how well you know me.”

 

Hunk laughed. “So, who do you want to be?”

 

“Everyone that isn't Evan.”

 

“Of course.”

 

There was a pause.

 

“We are going to regret this in the morning.”

 

* * *

 

Lance walked into the room, nodding to Kolivan. The Galran nodded back. Keith was next to him, and Lance brightened when he saw him, immediately walking over.

 

“Hey Mullet! How was training?”

 

“Idiot.” Keith greeted and gave him a small smile. “It went well. Though, Kolivan thinks I should stay for the next week so I can complete a level before going back. Is that alright?”

 

Lance blinked. He thought of the anxiety he felt every time he turned to talk to Keith and he wasn't there. He thought of the moment of panic when he forgot Keith was gone in his sleep-deprived haze during his rounds. He thought of the hole in the team that felt bigger than usual, everyone twitchy during training with another one of them missing. He thought of how everyone missed him. How _Lance_ had missed him.

 

He plastered on a grin. If this is what Keith wanted, Lance couldn't tell him no. “Sure. Make sure to call us when you get a break so we know you haven't died, okay?”

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Why does this feel familiar?”

 

Lance snorted, stepping back as Pidge and Hunk bombarded Keith with hugs and questions. He ignored Keith's pleading eyes and walked back over to Allura. The princess watched with a smile. Lance turned to the whole room.

 

“Alright!” He clapped, gathering everyone's attention. “I’d like to discuss the nuclear reactor today. I spoke with my team, sans Keith, and we’ve decided that it would be worth the effort to try and get it. Speaking of which, Keith, your opinion?”

 

Keith shrugged.

 

“I'll take that as you're with us.” Lance grinned. “I also want to talk about spreading our influence. Such as finding other rebellion groups and seeing if they're willing to work with us.”

 

“I would like to remind you we only do what is necessary.”

 

Lance nodded. “That's why we’re talking about it. We’re deciding what we have to do and what can wait.”

 

Kolivan examined Lance carefully. “It's hard to imagine you are the same human who reviewed the plan to defeat Zarkon in such an odd manner.” He ignored Lance’s sputtering, bringing up a holographic image of the Galran command ship. “I’ve collected enough intel to have a route planned. Would you care to review?”

 

Lance stepped up next to him. “Don’t mind if I do.”

 

* * *

 

The hallways were quiet. They usually were, since less than a third of the castle was occupied, but it seemed different. Even in the silence, there was the vague sense of activity. You could tell people walked these paths, even if there were no physical signs.

 

When Shiro disappeared, those signs diminished. It wasn’t recognisable right away, but everyone felt the emptiness. They managed to fill the hole by being busy, by being more active, but there was still the lingering coldness that crept in the cracks they couldn’t quite cover. Thinking about it for long periods of time caused the ice to spread, start to take over again, so no one did. Everyone in the castle locked away those thoughts for another day. They didn’t think about how there was a seat empty at the table, or an empty room. They didn’t allow themselves to.

 

While Keith was away, the hole got bigger. The ice spread quicker. It got harder to ignore the empty rooms and chairs, or the yearning for what wasn’t there, or the hurt that they couldn’t have them. It got harder to be more active. It got harder to fill the gaps.

 

Lance was keenly aware of this as he walked the halls. He felt a shiver race down his spine as he pondered it. Things were too different. They could deal with one missing team member (even then it was a stretch; they were all messes), but two seemed to be their limit. And why wouldn’t they? They were a small force. They didn’t have anyone but each other out in space, meaning they were unintentionally close knit and dependant on each other, even before Lance began the relaxed training. Anyone missing was a big hit to them all.

 

Maybe Lance should bring this up with Keith. His sleep schedule was suffering, due to the constant anxiety clawing at his innards. Hunk’s was as well. The two of them had spent almost every night together, baking until what would be considered dawn if they were on a planet. Lance had talked to Allura about it, and she agreed that he needed to confront Keith about if he could come back early.

 

The only problem was that the Blade of Mamora had no method of contact. All of their meetings had been pre-determined. Lance groaned, rubbing his face. He wanted to be mad at Keith, but he couldn’t fault the other completely when Lance didn’t have the complete picture. He wasn’t sure why the red paladin had wanted to train with the Blade. It might have been a whim decision, something Keith was prone to do, but Lance felt there was something else.

 

He wondered if he was the reason. The thought tugged at his heart in a way Lance hadn’t expected.

 

Whatever. He’d figure it out when Keith came back.

 

* * *

 

Keith didn’t come back a week later.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t come back three days after that, either.

 

* * *

 

Lance managed to corner Keith before he left for another week. The other had been walking towards the pods him and the Blade members had come in when Lance grabbed hold of Keith’s arm and dragged him into the nearest vacant room. There was nothing in it, which Lance was grateful for, in case things got out of hand. He didn’t face Keith until the other ripped his arm out of Lance’s hold.

 

“What the hell was that?” Keith snapped, rubbing his wrist.

 

Lance felt a little bad for pulling too hard. Just a little. “What’s your deal, man?”

 

“What?”

 

“Why are you avoiding us?”

 

Keith’s gaze dropped. He shifted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Can I go now? The others are probably waiting for me.”

 

“Oh, okay, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then why don’t you stay this time?”

 

“I need to train.”

 

“What a load of _mierda._ ” Lance thrust a finger into Keith’s chest, rolling over the other any time he tried to interrupt. “You’ve been running away from us. Why? What reason could you possibly have? Do we or the ship remind you too much of Shiro? Do you think you belong with your Galran heritage? Are you pushing yourself so you can be better to protect us all or something? Or maybe punishing yourself for not protecting Shiro?”

 

“What? No, Lance I-”

 

“Are you finally sick of listening to me?”

 

There was a long stretch of silence where Lance watched Keith’s face carefully, not daring to breathe. The other stared back, large eyes widened, mouth slightly agape. Neither of them moved. Then, all at once, it was as if Keith had been brought back to life, hands flailing as his body twitched forwards.

 

“No, no, that isn’t it, you’ve been doing a really good job. God, I’m an idiot. Of course you’d get really insecure and doubtful if I avoided you, since you’re kind of needy-”

 

“I resent that.”

 

“-I didn’t mean it like that. Okay I kind of did. But the point is, that’s not why I’ve been avoiding you.”

 

“So you admit you’ve been avoiding me.”

 

Keith gave him a look. Lance shut up. Keith sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Look, I… I heard you talking to Allura. About Shiro favouring me.”

 

All of Lance’s warning bells went off at once.

 

“You’re right. He did.” Keith shifted, not looking at Lance. “It made me realise. I’m kind of in your way.”

 

“No you’re not.”

 

“As soon as I was kicked out of the Garrison, you were able to be a fighter pilot. When I stepped down from being the black paladin, you were able to step forward. When I walked away from trying to convince Allura you were the next black paladin, you came in and smoothed things over. Don’t tell me I haven’t been in your way.”

 

Lance took a deep breath. “Then I won’t.”

 

Keith’s eyes snapped to his. “What?”

 

“I won’t tell you that you weren’t in the way. Instead,” He smiled softly, “I’ll tell you all the ways you’ve been in the right place.”

 

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed. “Lance, you don’t have to-”

 

“You were the first to get behind me and give me your support when Black let me be her paladin. You stood up to Allura to make sure she understood that I was worthy. You gave me advice when I was struggling with the new position. Really, you’ve kept me steady this entire time!” He paused. “I don’t think I can do this without you. If you step too far back, the others might not be strong enough to support me. We need you here, Keith.”

 

Keith was quiet. Lance looked the other way when he started wiping his eyes. “You know, I’m not going to be convinced in one hour by some nice words.”

 

Lance grinned. “I know. That’s why I’m going to remind you every day until you realize you’re not a burden. Now come here, we both need hugs.”

 

Keith let himself be dragged into Lance’s arms with little resistance, his own arms looping the lanky male’s waist within moments. They stayed like that for a long moment.

 

“Hey Keith.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“This is the first time we’ve hugged.”

 

Keith snorted. “So?”

 

“So, I’m going to install a ‘once a week’ policy for hugs. You need more.” He was silent for a moment. “I should extend that to the whole team. Maybe it’ll reduce stress.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

Lance pulled back. “Alright, you better head off. Don’t want to keep Kolivan waiting for too long.”

 

“Actually,” he said slowly, and Lance grinned wide, “can I stay this time?”

 

“Abso-fucking-lutely, my dude.”

 

* * *

 

He was running. No one was there. The shadows were long. The air was cold and stale. He didn’t know where the others were. He had to find them. They were in trouble. The shadows were closing in. A laugh echoed down the halls. He was terrified of that laugh. He needed to find them. His heart was beating too fast in his chest. He needed to find them. His breath was coming out too short. He needed to find them. His chest was contracting painfully. He needed to find them. The air was sucked out. He needed to find them. The airlock was open. He needed to-

 

Lance woke up gasping for air. He flailed until the covers were off, dropping to the floor. He let to coolness seep through his pajamas, to his burning skin. He took careful, measured breaths. His heart thudded in his ears. After a few minutes, once his heart had calmed down and he could breath normally, Lance slowly lifted himself off of the floor. He rubbed his aching chest, hoping to ease the discomfort, even just a little bit.

 

Looking back on his nightmare, Lance wanted to scoff. It was a generic, ‘something I can’t see is after me’ dream. It shouldn’t have shaken him, but it did. Maybe it was because he had felt like he was alone. He remembered the panic, adrenaline and fear. Maybe it was because he was more scared about what that unknown thing would do to those he cared about than what it would do to him.

 

Either way, Lance didn’t want to go back to sleep.

 

He grabbed his robe and stepped into his slippers. There was no way he would crawl back into bed and wait for morning. If he was up, he might as well check the castle systems. With a sigh, Lance padded out into the hallway.

 

The more Lance analysed the dream, the more it made sense. He was messed up about Shiro disappearing, and Keith taking off with the Blade hadn’t helped any. His subconscious was probably getting after him for not dealing with his own emotions properly, in the form of taking everyone away. That would really suck. Lance wasn’t sure if he could deal with being away from two families.

 

He stepped up to the platform, stretching and cracking his back before pulling up the status reports of the castle. He could deal with the nightmare later. For now, he needed to distract himself until the others were up.

  
He hoped they wouldn’t sleep for much longer. The silence of the empty room he was in was starting to frazzle the nerves he just soothed.

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, I might not update this Sunday due to a bigger project that's due Monday. I apologise in advance. 
> 
> Second of all, Dear Evan Hansen's soundtrack is really good. I recommend. 
> 
> Thirdly, thank you all for your support! I make an effort to reply to each and every comment because it means a lot to me that you show your support, and I want to show that I love each and every one of those comments! I can't really do the same with a bookmark, kudo, or view, but if I could, there would be a lot of thank you's everywhere! 
> 
> Stay awesome everyone! I'll see you later~!!!


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